


prince charming

by fishflake



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: M/M, completely inaccurate medieval au, i mean it when i say tiny i almost didn't even relationship tag it, the tiniest hint of romantic interest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:39:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14709245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishflake/pseuds/fishflake
Summary: Sir Moon actually forgot that that's what the whole point of this journey was, rescuing a French princess from the dragon or whatever. So he does what any respectable knight would do – stands up, straightens his armor, brushes the dust out of his hair. “My fair lady, I am Sir Moon from the Kingdom of Boosh. I have been sent to save you from this beast.”





	prince charming

“Don't kill me...I've got so much to give,” Sir Moon whimpers as if it will actually help his case when he's face-to-face with a dragon with a mouth big enough to swallow him whole.

The dragon...doesn't immediately kill him? It just sniffs him, actually, which is also terrifying, but less terrifying than being eaten alive.

Sir Moon is lulled into a false sense of security. He knows it's false because the next thing the dragon does is open its mouth and grab him by his chain mail and start flying and yes, this is how Sir Moon is going to die. Either carried to a dragon's den and killed in its own home, or a fall from terrible heights because his armor can't withstand his own weight. He starts mentally preparing for his own death. At least he'll be remembered as a brave man. Maybe. If King Fossil even remembers him. God knows the apothecary never does (but, to be fair, he's high all the time), nor the court jester (but, to be fair, he's a gorilla). Maybe it'll be different when he dies though, maybe he'll finally garner the respect he- oh god, he's _falling_.

He expects the fall to be to an early grave and reacts appropriately – screaming, maybe crying a tiny bit - but it's actually a very short fall, and he lands with an ungraceful thud and is rewarded with a faceful of dust and dirt.

While spitting out the dirt and wiping his eyes he notices the smell of a fire and assumes the worst. This is a very culinarily advanced dragon, who wants to roast him well before devouring him.

He opens his eyes and is treated to a very culinarily advanced princess, who wants to roast what appears to be an assortment of vegetables well before devouring them.

Sir Moon actually forgot that that's what the whole point of this journey was, rescuing a French princess from the dragon or whatever. So he does what any respectable knight would do – stands up, straightens his armor, brushes the dust out of his hair. “My fair lady, I am Sir Moon from the Kingdom of Boosh. I have been sent to save you from this beast.”

She doesn't look particularly impressed. “God, _you're_ who Fossil sent to rescue me? Are there not any competent knights in the kingdom?” she says in a decidedly not princess-like voice. More prince-like, in fact. Like a man. _It's a man_. Not very French-sounding, either, but that doesn't seem as important in contrast.

Sir Moon forgives himself for not noticing before, on the basis that his eyes were full of dirt and tears, and the prince(ss) has long hair and is wearing a blue silk robe, and he was explicitly told by King Fossil that it would be a princess that would potentially fall in love with him for being her savior.

“With all due respect, ma- uh, sir,” Sir Moon says, flustered now, “many a person in the kingdom would inform you that I am far from incompetent. I'm one of the best in all the land, I slash beasts up right and left.” He mimes sword motion for good measure.

“There must not be any competition if 'one of the best in all the land' screams and cries when confronted with a 3 foot drop,” is the response he gets, which isn't really the response he was hoping for. “But whatever, sit down and relax. supper's almost ready.”

“Relax? Are we not in imminent danger?” Sir Moon gestures towards the enormous dragon looming over them.

“Are we in imminent danger?” the prince says, looking up at the dragon. It responds with a snort, the resultant cloud of smoke making Sir Moon's eyes water. “She said no.”

“She said no,” Sir Moon repeats blankly. This prince did _not_ just look a dragon in the eyes, calmly ask it if it's going to kill them, and claim to have received an answer.

“She said no,” the prince responds. “Said you don't even smell tasty.”

Sir Moon isn't sure whether this prince is fucking with him, can genuinely talk to dragons, or is completely fucking mental. He doesn't get the chance to ask, because the prince starts talking again.

“You realize if I actually needed rescuing, we'd both be dead right now. This whole thing...” he gestures a circle, “was set up by my father, cuz Fossil sort of has a reputation for being a coward, so he just wanted to see if he'd actually send someone.”

“How do you just _set something up_ with a _dragon_?”

The prince gets a shy sort of smile, like he's trying not to smile too hard and break his snarky character, and Sir Moon ignores the way it makes his heart speed up. “I can talk to animals. All animals, but dragons are a specialty.”

Sir Moon's not sure he believes that, but it does explain why the dragon has yet to kill either of them.

“C'mon, sit down already. Supper's ready and you need strength if you're gonna take me back to your kingdom.” The prince tugs at Sir Moon's arm.

“I'm still taking you back to my kingdom?” Sir Moon sits down next to the prince as he pulls the pot off the fire.

“How else are you gonna prove you actually rescued me?”

“I...I suppose you're right. But can I get your name, my fair...sir?” Sir Moon asks with trepidation.

That shy smile comes back. “Noir, Vince Noir.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> a fun fact about the development of this fic: originally vince was roasting a rabbit, not vegetables, then i realized that vince being able to talk to animals and not being a vegetarian was slightly horrifying. i guess we don't see vince eat enough on the boosh so the thought never occurred to me before this
> 
> this is the first time i've publicly shared fic i've written since literally about 2013 and even then it was untagged on a site where i didn't have many followers and none of said followers were in the fandom anyways, so i might as well have not posted it at all
> 
> i'm sorry i'm terrible at writing exposition and denouement so i just write the fun part and go "ok fuck it that's enough"


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